The key concept which appears to confuse many men and their sexual partners as far as the idea of delayed ejaculation is concerned, is that even though orgasm and ejaculation are generally thought to be one and the same thing, these are, in fact, two different reactions. The feeling of orgasm is a mental event, which happens purely as a chemical and synaptic interaction inside your head, even if actual physiological sensations are also felt.
Ejaculation, on the other hand, is a purely physical reaction that is triggered by sufficient stimulation to the male organ and other pleasure points elsewhere in the body. Much research is still needed to find where sexual orgasm happens inside the brain, but much is known about the synaptic pathways through which the reflex response of ejaculation is triggered.
Video on synaptic pathways
For those who are interested, one conclusion is that when erotic pleasure gets to a near-climactic point, the flow of semen near the farthest point of the the urethra builds up the pressure at the root of the penis, and this in turn triggers a whole series of physical responses which includes movement of the pubococcygeal muscle.
Ejaculation is governed by the autonomic nervous system, while sexual arousal is confined to the voluntary nervous system.
As it is, medical researchers have long known about delayed ejaculation and the names commonly used to refer to this bodily phenomenon most likely mirrors in some part, the research establishment’s evolving understanding of the condition: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
These are names that clearly show, from my point of view, a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men whose sex lives are somehow impaired by their unique ejaculation patterns during sex.
Development of delayed ejaculation treatment over time
As you may know, many of delayed ejaculation sufferers are able to ejaculate regularly when they are pleasuring themselves. This fact has led many scientists to speculate that there may be many relationship issues that correlate with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sexual intercourse. However, one must exercise an ample dose of caution when seeking an explanation that lies in the dynamics between a man and his partner.
There’s strong evidence to conclude that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate even when a partner performs fellatio on him, during actual sex involving genital penetration, or through direct manual stimulation by a partner merely represents the fact that none of these arrangements provide a heightened degree of pleasure that a man may be accustomed to perform on his own penis in the act of pleasuring himself.
Of course, any man can condition his own body to react to higher levels of stimulation, so it’s always wise to establish whether or not the delay in ejaculating can be attributed to the fact that the man is able to apply hard, firm, or high-frequency handling during self pleasuring, in a manner that is not simulated during actual sex with a partner.
There’s ample basis to assume that if this is the crux of the aberration, the cure will be in the form of a physical retraining of the body, the penis and the mind, to respond to a slightly different style of stimulation that can eventually bring about a climax in the course of sexual congress.
Needless to say, counsellors and sex therapists often base their actions on the supposition that that the relationship is often the cause of delayed ejaculation.
And it certainly can be. I have been acquainted with a lot of partners in which a slowly rising attitude of hostility has degraded intimacy to the point where a male no longer enjoys intercourse, and secretly dislikes the routine, whilst simultaneously finding himself unable to convey to his partner and start a rational dialogue to arrive at the resolution of these problems.
And even if there isn’t resentment, anger, or any other adverse feelings on the part of the man towards his partner, there may well be a particular type of personality who is prone to delayed ejaculation.
According to the most current research journals, this individual type is quite likely a person who is somehow detached from his personal preferences to induce sexual pleasure, who frequently is unaware of how aroused he is during sexual activity, who often considers sex with his partner as some obligation that he needs to perform, who sees himself as responsible for his female partner’s pleasure, and who is convinced that the woman’s pleasure must come first and is the the most important part of sex. These men generally, whether intentionally or not, see themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, thrusting rhythmically (sometimes to no avail) to steer the sexual intercourse to a successful climax.
An important observation in this arrangement is that most of the partners of men in this situation tend to be disinterested about sex, and have a tacit understanding that the male is somehow responsible for their sexual pleasure. In fact, they should be without a doubt responsible for their own pleasure. In instances like this, it’s absolutely imperative to help and re-educate the sex partners and make available some actionable sexual information. Coached in such a way, the couple’s ideas and attitudes about sex and sexual pleasure can be steered closer to reality.
Furthermore, it has been observed that males who have this type of personality profile generally lack solid grasp of their personal level of pleasure. Often there seems to be a certain disconnect, or even a void, in the sexual maturity, in such a way that they have come to associate their internal process of sexual arousal with the external process of having sexual activity with a partner.
What can be gleaned from all these is that their internal sexual paradigm somehow doesn’t serve as a watershed of sexual arousal and pleasure: they are left in a frustrating state of sexual confusion where they are attempting to engage in sex without all the requisite emotional and physiological tools that are necessary for it to be a pleasurable and mutually satisfying experience.