Coming Down From Extended Orgasm

Bringing Your Partner Down

You’ve had plenty of information on the previous pages about how to bring your partner to a wonderful extended orgasm. However, it is also very important to know how to bring them down from the ecstasy of their extended orgasmic state.

Taking a woman to orgasm isn’t the whole story — you have to know how to bring her down to a normal state, so that she can continue with life outside the world of extended orgasm!

And, once again, it is your intention that is important: you can bring somebody down from an ecstatic orgasmic state by using a slower and firmer touch.

More specifically, you can bring a woman down when you place your hand over her pubic bone and press down gently. For a man, you can bring him down by bringing pressure to bear on any part of his body including his chest, thighs, feet – in fact almost anywhere except his penis.

Start by doing this gently, and add more pressure as necessary to bring him down more completely — ask him what he wants.

Remember that it’s also possible to take somebody down whilst peaking them; this time, instead of aiming to go to ever-higher peaks of pleasure, you aim to go to lower peaks of sexual pleasure, so that the overall course of your partner’s arousal heads downwards.

The way you would do this is to increase their arousal somewhat by giving them some stroking of the type that you were using on the way upwards, and then reapplying firm pressure to take them down to a lower level.

In this way you can actually give them a few peaks on the way down, which adds to their pleasure.

This is a bit like the final stages of a rollercoaster, where the rise and fall is lower than at the start of the ride, and you’re heading downhill towards the end of the ride.

Even if you are mature – especially if you are mature, by which I mean over 50 – these techniques can dramatically improve the quality of your sex life after fifty and add immensely to the pleasure you experience during sexual intercourse.

Bear in mind that even if you have to stop for some reason before your partner’s reached their normal resting state of arousal, or rather, lack of arousal, nothing bad is going to happen to them: it might just mean they’re a bit spaced out, but they’ll recover their normal consciousness quickly enough.

When a man gives a woman an orgasm, she’s really in a state of endorphin induced bliss, and you’ll find that she probably responds and feels differently to things for some time after the experience is over.

There’s no harm in this, it’s just that for full efficiency in the everyday world, a person really needs to be functioning normally if they have intricate tasks to perform, or complicated thinking to do.

Having said that, it’s actually quite nice to be in an extended state of bliss in the everyday world if you don’t have anything particularly important to do! You can certainly spread good vibes around you in the world when you’re in this state. It’s the psychical expression of pure love. However, it’s worth remembering that it’s important to protect yourself from negative influences, since your chakras are likely to be open and therefore you might pick up negative energy from around you.

The best way of dealing with this is to imagine a psychic shield all around you which protects you from any incoming negative energy, and bounces it back as positive golden light to where it came from.

More specific techniques for bringing somebody down are as follows. For a woman, you can put your fingers inside her vagina and apply pressure upwards at the eleven and one o’clock positions on the upper wall of the vagina as she lies on her back. At the same time, put your hand over her pubic bone and press gently downwards.

Video – fingering the G spot

You may find that the pressure inside her vagina causes her to have some final orgasmic contractions. Also, ask permission to insert your fingers into her vagina, and do it in a respectful way that takes account of her boundaries.

If you want to add a final touch of luxury to the experience, use a warm, damp wet cloth to towel off the genitals of either the man or woman to whom you’ve been giving the extended orgasm experience.

You may find, particularly in the case of a woman, that as you do this she experiences some final orgasmic contractions.

You may have noticed how it’s quite common after an orgasm for a man or woman to have very sensitive genitals which they don’t want touched.

In this experience, where one of the key factors that produces extended orgasm is to maintain a high level of relaxation, you may find that a man or woman’s genitals are not as sensitive as in a normal orgasm. Indeed, one of the measures of how relaxed they have been through their extended peaking is how sensitive their genitals are after the experience is over.

You should find, particularly for man who has not ejaculated, that there is a big difference in the level of sensitivity in the end of his penis: after a relaxed, extended orgasm, it’s likely to be much less sensitive than it is after an ejaculatory orgasm. This is also true of a woman’s clitoris.

Communication during orgasm

We need to talk a little about the communication methods that you use while you’re enjoying an extended orgasm experience, because they are critical to the success of the venture. If you can’t communicate openly and honestly and directly, without shadow emotions such as anger emerging, then you most likely need to have some practice in open and direct communication.

For one thing, you mustn’t try and communicate messages to your partner indirectly. You’re actually aiming to say exactly what’s on your mind, in a clear and direct fashion, so that both of you understand exactly what’s happening and there is no room for miscommunication or doubt about your intentions.

Life’s too short for bad sex! Video!

Now, direct communication of this sort is not always the easiest thing to engage in, particularly if you haven’t had much practice before, but it’s essential to building trust and respect during mutual pleasuring. Communication starts right at the beginning by discussing who’s going to get pleasured first, and how you are going to enjoy coitus.

It continues during the experience as you communicate with your partner what your intentions are, and as they feedback to you what their experience.

It’s quite common for a man to hear what a woman says as a criticism of the man’s technique, particularly when he’s taking pride or gaining self-esteem from his ability to pleasure a woman to orgasm.

This is a classic mistake: during this process you cannot use the success or otherwise of your partner’s extended orgasm to build your self-esteem as a good lover. Similarly, the same is true for women. If the man expresses dislike or irritation with the way you’re handling his penis, this is not something that you should take personally and respond to with emotion which then gets in the way while you’re producing an extended orgasm.

The key here is to regard what a person says as an expression of their experience, rather than as a criticism of what you are doing. After all, it is actually perfectly legitimate for a person to make an observation about your technique – good or bad, as they experience it.

The secret of good sexual communication in this context is to make the feedback nonjudgmental and positive: so for example, it is possible to direct a man who is pleasuring a woman’s clitoris to do it in a different way by expressing something like ” I love it when you do that, but I think it might feel even better if you move your fingers down and to the left.”

You see how this comment is supportive and directive at the same time, yet offers no judgment on what a man is doing, and certainly doesn’t imply that he’s doing anything wrong?

Another good technique for the man or woman who is doing the pleasuring is to ask questions that actually don’t take the person who is receiving the pleasure out of their experience. You can do this by asking questions that require a yes or no answer.

So, for example, something like “Does that feel good?” or “Would you like me to stimulate you harder?” are good questions because they don’t require much thinking, and they don’t take the person who is receiving the pleasure out of the experience.

Avoid questions which require long, complicated answers and considerable thinking. The same is true if you wish to overcome premature ejaculation – you need to be focused on what you are doing, not on some objective like taking your partner to orgasm.

In short, you need to be in the here and now, and you need to be sensitive to both your own level of arousal and your partner’s.

One of the objectives of communicating like this, of course, is to make sure that your partner feels safe and cared for at all times. This means that your questions and your actions must be clear and show firm intention about what you’re trying to do.

It’s perfectly legitimate to ask your partner if you can touch their body in a particular way. In fact, it’s probably a good idea, because it shows that you’re respecting their boundaries and not taking liberties by assuming that you know what they’d like better than they do.

If you ask your partner a question about the technique that you’re using to pleasure them and they are not sure of the answer, you can actually try altering your stroke and then asking them if that feels better than before.

If it does, continue. If it does not, then change it and asked them the same question again. But at all times try and convey the fact that you are in charge and you’re clear about what you’re doing; and above all, that your intention is to take them to orgasm.

Of course during any session of extended pleasuring a person may well wish to be stimulated in different sex positions at different times: you can ask them if you they want you to do something different by being specific in your question, such as “Would you like me to apply more pressure?”

If they say yes, then you can apply the pressure in small increments, and ask them after each increase in pressure whether that feels better. By using this technique, they’re not forced to think too much, and you’ll get clarity about what is good for them.

You can continue asking questions like this until you discover the stroke that is required to give them the most pleasure.

It’s certainly a good idea to discuss before the pleasuring session how long you expect it to last. For beginners, an average time of 10 or 15 minutes might be satisfactory; those with more experience may enjoy anything up to an hour.

If you’re not actually sure about the whole process, and you want to know how to engage with your partner and how to ask them questions about their experience, one way to do this is to actually start by practicing on another area of the body which is nonsexual, for example the chest or abdomen.

You can practice asking questions and getting answers to develop the communication methods described above before you engage in any sexual activity.

And as a technique to reassure your partner, it’s always a good idea to tell them when you’re intending to touch them, or intending to remove your hand from their body, so that they know what to expect: it’s also a good idea to tell a woman if you’re going to insert your finger(s) into her vagina, and ask if that’s okay.

That way, she can be sure you will respect her boundaries at all times. Such an approach is probably less important for a woman pleasuring a man, unless she’s going to play with his anus, in which case ask if that’s acceptable first.

In brief, therefore: tell your partner what you’re going to do before you do it, ask if it feels okay when you’re doing it, and tell them when you’re going to stop doing it.

As the process continues, tell your partner what you’re observing about their orgasmic reactions, e.g. their signs of orgasm, how aroused they are, and what you think is happening for them. To maintain good communication and clear understanding between the two of you, you can always ask your partner if what you’re saying is correct.

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