There are many consequences of inability to reach orgasm:
- Reduce sexual self-esteem, in other words the feeling that the man isn’t good enough in bed.
- A sense that he is lacking sexually, and that somehow he doesn’t compare to other men.
- A more fundamental sense of difference, marking the man apart from other men in terms of his sexual abilities and skills.
- A sense of shame, around his inability to satisfy his partner.
- An unspecified, but deeply felt, sense that somehow, something is wrong with the man in some way because he can’t ejaculate during intercourse.
Consequences For Women
- A sense that the woman isn’t attractive enough to arouse her partner to the point of ejaculation.
- A lack of intimacy and connection that originates in a relationship difficulty which is unspoken.
- A sense of deprivation, because the natural climax of ejaculation during sexual intercourse is not available to her.
- A sense of disconnection, not being good enough, and total inadequacy, because a man can’t reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.
- The possible inability to conceive children if intercourse can’t reach its natural climax.
- And a sense that her partner may not love her enough to want to ejaculate inside her.
As you can understand, these are not insignificant problems, and they can cause serious difficulties between partners. This is why many therapists and doctors recommend that people who are trying to solve sexual difficulties and delayed orgasm problems in the relationship should see a sexual therapist regarding intimacy issues.
Interestingly enough, however, this particular problem has not been talked about very much, and only in recent years, perhaps due to the influence of the Internet, where anonymous contributions and discussions are possible, has delayed ejaculation become much more widely known.
One of the reasons for this, I suspect is that the men in particular who afflicted with delayed ejaculation suffer a great deal of shame which inhibits them from expressing their feelings and thoughts – and it’s a commonly made observation that men with delayed ejaculation often aren’t particularly “emotionally literate” anyway.
So taken together, you can understand why men are reluctant to seek help from therapists, and why women are unable to do so – because the problem fundamentally requires both members of the couple to engage in some kind of discussion about it.
So all in all, delayed ejaculation is a problematic condition if the partners aren’t willing to open a discussion – and opening a discussion requires trust, which is often one of the reasons why this ejaculatory problem has occurred in the first place!
What are you going to do if you’re in this situation?
Well, one of the things you can do is to look up a self help solution which you can use at home in private, taking the best of all the different kinds of therapies, and incorporating them into a comprehensive treatment program which you can use to address your particular variation of this syndrome.
(I call it a syndrome, because delayed ejaculation can come in many forms: it can start at the beginning of a man’s sexual life, or it can start later in life; it can be generalized – i.e. occurs with all partners – or specific, i.e. it occurs with just one partner.)
So my recommendation is to seek out a treatment program on the internet.
If this is something which resonates with you and your partner, you will then be better able to work together on the problem. After all, the benefits of a relaxed, stress-free, normal healthy sexual connection in a relationship are immeasurable in every way – physically, emotionally and even spiritually – to both partners.