Extended Orgasm – Training From Effect 2

Acknowledgement and encouragement allow you both to develop motivation to keep your mind on the process, and by communicating as it proceeds, you can ensure that both of you surrender your control, and the person being pleasure surrenders their nervous system into the pleasurer’s hands.

It’s important that you both understand that no matter what your body looks like, it’s still a wonderful thing that is capable of giving you great pleasure: this isn’t a beauty contest, nor is it a contest about sex positions or skills.

You’ll see how both of those things are ego-based, and therefore likely to take you both away from the success of the experience.

If we had to sum up the key to this experience in a word, it would be acceptance: which means acceptance of body, acceptance of experience, acceptance of partner, acceptance of whatever the universe delivers … and acceptance that you have the ability to change the situation so that you get what you want.

How to get what you want during sex – video

It’s worth emphasizing, however, that not everybody is relaxed about their body. People are obsessed with their genitals, how they look, and how they work, and also concerned with how they express their orgasm. The truth of the matter is, we’re all human, and we’re all slightly different.

And yet we are more similar than we are different, in that we all enjoy orgasm, and we all do have the ability to relinquish our obsessions with appearance and function and just accept that whatever happens to us is a glorious orgasmic pleasure.

Bear in mind that some people may not be able to achieve as good an orgasm as you do.

For men, who tend to be competitive, having an ejaculation which only dribbles, or a penis that is not very large, or perhaps even a body that is not very well shaped or fit, can be an obstacle to letting go and enjoying the experience.

There’s no easy way to overcome this except to develop self-acceptance. That’s something that comes with time and maturity, but let’s just express it this way. Human beings who are aware and enlightened don’t judge each other on the basis of what their genitals look like; they accept someone on the basis of other human qualities.

A man with a small penis can give a woman more pleasure if he focuses on her than a lover with a big penis who is self-obsessed and egotistical.

A woman whose labia give her embarrassment because they don’t look neat and symmetrical may not realize that whatever her appearance, it will probably turn her sexual partner on and arouse him and excite him.

If she can stop being self-judgmental and surrender herself to the experience she’s having right now, then the extended wave of ecstatic pleasure can be very healing — and incidentally, the same is true for men, particularly men who have had bad experiences with women in their lives.

Meeting a woman who’s invested in giving you pleasure with no expectation of return, except possibly the pleasure she experiences herself from doing so, can be very physically healing indeed at a profound level.

So if you happen to be a woman who’s embarrassed about the noise she makes when she comes, forget it.

If you’re embarrassed about how you look when you reach orgasm, forget it. If you’re embarrassed about the possibility of leaking ejaculate or urine when you reach orgasm, forget it.

Just accept that your body is unique and it will respond in different ways from everybody else’s; and, if you’re a woman being pleasured by a man, bear in mind that whatever you do, your orgasm is likely to be very exciting for him.

(Despite our good intentions in trying to encourage men to stop regarding the successful pleasuring of a woman as an ego trip, the fact remains that men do get a great deal of pride and esteem out of bringing woman to orgasm.)

What happens if you want an extended orgasm and you can’t get one?

Different types of orgasm

The answer is you keep trying, and this may involve finding a partner with whom you can enjoy this experience and whom you can trust, and it may involve some exercises to increase your comfort level with your body and to help yourself become fully orgasmic.

Bear in mind that very few women reach orgasm during intercourse, and very, very few reach orgasm consistently during intercourse: many women cannot reach orgasm at all, and to do so may require a little bit of practice and time.

The first step of course lies in the acceptance of your body, and the second step lies in acceptance of whatever feelings and sensations you enjoy when pleasuring or being pleasured.

For both men and women, being relaxed when they reach orgasm can be a new experience — we tend to experience orgasms with a lot of thrashing around, and certainly it’s true that this type of orgasm can feel very good and be quite dramatic.

But the truth is that the more tense you are, the less sexual energy can flow around your body, and the less blood can flow easily around your genitals.

By relaxing, you will feel a lot more and you’ll expand the orgasmic experience a lot more. Relaxation of the pelvic muscles gives you the possibility of an extended orgasm which is much more intense than anything you’ve experienced before, but it does require a certain amount of training to relax, and your partner must know how to give you the stimulation that you need to achieve this.

How, then, are you going to learn to relax your body? The technique called “pushing out” can help you learn to relax. For a woman, the simplest way to practice this is to place a small vibrator in the vagina and push it out — you may need to push out for a couple of seconds before you relax.

If you are worried about peeing (or anything else) go to the bathroom before you try this. Once you are able to push things out of your vagina, your body will automatically relax as you do it. And you can actually push out when you feel tense to make yourself relax.

The Bodanskys recommend pushing out during intercourse, because they say that it can help to prevent the penis pushing against the cervix. It also apparently encourages the vagina to fit snugly around the penile shaft which feels much nicer for both partners.

Learning to relax like this will give you different sensations when you come — and although initially it may feel less intense than thrashing about, in the end it will give you a more intense orgasm.

You have to get used to being relaxed during orgasm, and you have to allow your body to, well, literally relax into, the experience. Perseverance will pay off with wonderful feelings.

We should also mention the fact that extended climax can lead to a full body orgasm.

Sexual energy flows around your body; it literally feels like energy pulsating in waves down your arms and legs and your fingers and toes, and if you can bring it up into your mind and your heart, you may be able to connect them with your genitals, your heart and your brain, a situation which leads to a very wonderful and almost ecstatic experience.

How is this achieved? Well, these are advanced techniques, admittedly, although with someone pleasuring you who knows about them, and who has an open flow of energy around their own body, they are actually not at all difficult to achieve.

The keys for the person receiving the pleasure are relaxation, acceptance, and openness. That means not shutting down when the experience begins to feel different, and it means using breathing techniques to draw the energy around the body with an air of expectation and confidence.

The connection between the genitals and the rest of the body can be helped by using visualization to imagine the energy flow going up your spine, and around your arms and legs.

Worrying about whether you are actually experiencing it, whether it’s going to flow or not, is not helpful: once again, you just have to be accepting of what happens.

Accepting your experience and practicing repeatedly will lead you to develop your ability very quickly: but as always, the goal in any one session of extended pleasuring is simply that — extended pleasuring in the moment, in that session.

The main factor which determines whether or not you experience extended orgasm in whole body is your intention, your desire to experience something that your body is capable of, even tough you may have to work at it. In particular, you may have to work at connecting your brain to your body and letting the orgasmic energy flow from the genitals up into your heart and mind.

There is no shortage of experienced people who can give you help here, and it’s great fun to practice and develop this skill for yourself. Go for the pleasure, not the success, is what the Bodanskys say — going for “success” and not “pleasure” may deprive you of both.

 

And finally, for those of you who don’t want to give up control of your ejaculation, whether that takes the form of thrashing your body around, moving your hips, getting excited, or refusing to surrender control to your partners. We would simply say that while every kind of sex is good, if you really want to enjoy having your orgasm to the full you have to surrender to the person who’s pleasuring you.

You have to trust them to do what they’re doing in a way that will get you to the place you want to be. If they’re not doing it adequately, then you have to train them to do it how you want.

Surrender to partner during sex

And it’s also up to you to remain still and calm and relaxed, and allow them to do the pleasuring for you, rather than responding to it with tension and excitement as you may have done in the past.

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