Loving relationships create better sex
Is a loving relationship essential for Tantric sex? Yes. A one night stand may be physically satisfying, but it’s emotionally unfulfilling – at least most of the time – and without intimate knowledge of what your partner truly wants and desires from a lover, how can sex be great? Still, that does not mean everyone has to avoid this kind of sexual experience – it means that as a potential Tantrica, this sort of casual sex will not be a life-enhancing experience. And of course, a stable relationship gives you a better chance of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and enjoying better sex. (Although if you are lucky enough to meet a soul-mate, sex can be truly spiritual even if your time together is brief.)
The whole concept of exchanging sexual energy during sex is new and rather radical in the West. It follows that if your sexual encounters are brief, shameful or negative, the energy will not be positive, and you won’t be enhancing anyone’s energy, least of all your own. Next, we shall see how you can purify your sexual energy and raise it to a higher level.
The Power of Loving Your Partner and Yourself
I think most people would agree that pure love is a powerful force. The idea that love in its purest form can be a way to develop one’s spirituality is perhaps less obvious, but this is the basis of much Tantric teaching. The logic is that the love we feel for another human being is only a small part of our capacity to feel love for the purest form of spirit – God, the universe, creation itself – and that our physical experience of sex is the gateway to opening the channels of love for not just our sexual partner but for our love of the divine. Of course, for this opening out to happen, sex must be enjoyed in the right frame of reference, with a spiritual approach and an attitude of acceptance, compassion and surrender to the forces of nature. Think how different this viewpoint is to the shaming approach to sex which seems so prevalent in Western religions and other less enlightened philosophies!
Whether or not you believe that the Chakras exist, you may well accept that there are energy centers in the body which undergo shifts in energy during the act of lovemaking. This is a common experience when we have sex – we know that we feel different during and after the act of making love to our partner. In Tantric terms, these shifts take energy from one Chakra to another, and open up the possibility of creating an energy flow from the base Charka in the pelvic area all the way through to the head or crown chakra – and thence on to connection with divine energy from the universe.
It might be useful at this point to review the chakras as they are conventionally understood. Bear in mind that you do not have to accept this as a literal explanation of how energy flows through the body to utilize the concepts of Tantric sex and spiritual enlightenment during lovemaking.
The first chakra is located between the genitals and the anus. it’s about roots, connection, source, and grounding. Your instinctual urges and feelings are governed by the first or base chakra. In men, this is the site of sexuality.
The second or pelvic chakra is located at the level of the genitals. For women, this chakra govern the sexual life.
The third chakra is level with the navel – it’s the seat of personal power and focus, commitment to a cause and determination. Whether or not you are easily swayed from your purpose will reflect the strength and energy of your third chakra.
The fourth chakra is the heart chakra. Naturally, this governs feeling and emotion, love in particular.
The fifth chakra, the throat chakra, is all about communication.
The sixth – the brow chakra – is located between the brows, in the position classically said to be occupied by the third eye. It’s the chakra which governs the intellectual aspects of our being.
Finally, the crown chakra is our connection to the divine: if you like, it is the home of the Gods Shakti and Shiva.
When you raise energy from the base chakra to the crown chakra (that is when your Kundalini rises from genitals to crown during lovemaking), the great spiritual union of male and female energies may take place. This may produce a state of bliss, Samadhi or enlightenment. It can certainly make sex feel like a spiritual experience.
An exercise to raise your awareness of the chakras.
Try this exercise lying down, making sure you are physically comfortable with no distractions. Make sure you are warm enough to fully focus on what you’re doing; if you should find yourself thinking about other issues, gently bring your attention back to the matter in hand.
You can visualize each chakra as a flower which unfurls, opening out in whatever way fits with your mental imagery. Start at the base chakra and progress up your body, imagining each chakra opening as you pass over it. You can also imagine each one to be a different color – starting at the base with red, then moving through orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Do the exercise with your eyes shut so that you can visualize each chakra in turn, opening fully out and letting energy flow freely into, through, and out of it to the next one. You can also imagine a connection with the earth through your feet and with the cosmos through your brow chakra. Imagine energy flowing from the sky down through you and your chakras to the earth.
This is a useful exercise to do before you make love with your partner, for it encourages the exchange of energy between you, and will give you a different experience as you connect both physically and emotionally. You may even be able to feel the energy moving in your body.
Men: If you visualize your energy moving from your penis into your partner’s vagina during lovemaking, you can produce some interesting effects, especially if her G spot is awakened and receptive to the energy. Later in your practice of Tantric sex, you can actually exchange energy around an imaginary loop between the two of you as you make love.
To extend the experience of energy flow between you, lie down facing in opposite directions, with your head to her feet (if you’re the man) and vice versa. Lie on your backs, side by side, with the woman on the right hand side of the man. He should place his right hand on her vulva and she should place her right hand on his penis. Each of you can then imagine the energy flowing up from the pelvic chakra to your hand and thence to your lover’s genitals. This energy may feel like warmth, coolness, or even a tingling sensation. If you wish to help the process, imagine the energy flowing up and out of your pelvic chakra, along your arm and down your hand and into your partner’s vulva or penis.
The Tantric texts show energy flowing in different directions in men and women. Men feel the energy moving up the spine, while women feel it rising up the belly. Men’s energy may well appear to move faster than women’s, which is cooler and slower to arouse (the difference between Yang and Yin energy). Reaching orgasm is quite OK if it happens, but as time goes by you will be more able to control the energy flow so that it gradually develops into an ever-increasing level of energy flow.
Now, because this is all about enjoying the energy flow of the sexual/spiritual connection, your attitude should be one of delight ad pleasure: if you feel angry, annoyed or irritable, or full of resentments or other negative emotions, the process isn’t likely to work well. The ultimate objective of this sexual technique – the process of ascending the Kundalini energy – is to experience spiritual enlightenment though lovemaking. But even if you’re not successful at this, you can certainly have an enjoyable experience – so don’t let this become a ritualized act. Yes, it’s a spiritual sexual act, but it’s also a very human sexual act!